This Is What Depression Feels Like

The D Word...

January 28, 2019

James Steele

Oh man…where to start.

What does depression feel like?

For me, it feels like today.

Let me walk you through the first few hours of the day. By the way, this blog is probably going to be all over the place because I have no sense of organization when my depression is being a dick.

Alright. So it feels like Earth has turned gravity up times 2. It literally feels harder to lift each leg when I walk. As I type, I am leaning against the desk and it is harder to sit up straight. Not only does the gravity weigh down my physical self, but it also affects my state of mind.

Everything just feels weighed down.

I tried the typical “get out of feeling depressed” stuff this morning, including a brief but solid work out. That worked for about 30 minutes at the most. After I got out of the shower the gravity kicked back into kick my ass mode.

Even my tight jeans feel extra tight today. I mean, I wear obnoxiously skinny jeans. I’m short as it is...5’7” … 5’8” in heels. That’s a joke. I don’t wear heels.

Anyways, because I am altitude challenged, anytime I wear something that is even a bit loose or baggy I feel like a little kid drowning in clothes. Because I feel like that, that’s obviously what I see when I look in the mirror.

Today is going to be a challenge. I know I will make it through…but all I really want to do is lay my head down and take a nap. Every single second is like a battle through white water rapids wearing a blindfold. That’s also a scene in Bird Box.

-James