$396.9 Million Powerball Jackpot Ticket Sold In Florida

LATER CHUMPS!

January 30, 2020
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I've made you this promise many times. If my millenial retirement plan kicks in and I win Powerball, you'll never see my face or hear my voice again. I will disappear into the woods, never to be found. And for one, brief, fleeting moment, I thought all my dreams would come true.

I saw the headline, "$396.9 Million Powerball Jackpot Ticket Sold In Florida" and I though, "Take that, Chumps! My first Powerball ticket in months finally paid off and you can all go shove it!". But then I actually read the article to find out it was sold in South Florida. Specifically, a 7-Eleven in Bonita Springs.

So looks like you're stuck with me for a little while longer and for that, I am truly sorry.