Hard Seltzer Has Officially Gone TOO FAR.

It all happened so fast. We didn't stand a chance.

August 14, 2019
smirnoff seltzer

Monica Schipper / Getty Images


You may be aware of my love for 'hard seltzer', specifically #NoLawsWithClaws, the completely unofficial slogan of White Claw - which is arguably the most popular of the Hard Seltzer brands. Of course, Smirnoff is in the game, there's Truly, etc. etc.

I've been all aboard the low-calorie, vaguely flavor, seltzer train since I really noticed it popping up in late 2017.  What can I say? I don't like beer, cider made me fat, and I don't always wanna go HAM on a cocktail. It's a great middle ground. And I wasn't alone, as the hard seltzer craze was a HUGE sales success... and meme success.

But now, the train has officially come off the rails. We've officially 'jumped the shark' (but, 'jumping' the shark means we'd have to eventually come down...). And it only took about 2 weeks. 

First, it was Frat-Bro party beer Natural Light getting in the game.

Okay, haha. That's a funny brand pairing. I get it, they want to be the 'hardcore', 'punk rock', seltzer.

But then it got a little bit worse when PBR decided to get in the game... with 8% ABV (Alcohol by Volume). For those keeping score at home, that's vaguely TWICE the alcohol of a standard basic beer.

And then we all thought, "Alright, fine. Let's just call it a day", but NO - welcome back our old 'friend', FOUR LOKO and their 14% ABV Seltzer.

And this is where I have to draw the line. This is the 'fidget spinner' of alcohol. Something gets a decent success, then everybody's gotta come in and make it a meme and now I've got WAY too many choices of which Spiked Seltzer to cry into.