Fugitive Writes “I’m Not Here” On Mattress Expecting Cops To Believe It

This is probably going to be the dumbest story you read today.
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Front porch

Police Searching For Guy Who Licked A Family’s Doorbell For Three Hours

Well this is gross…and really, really creepy.
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Would-Be Kidnapper Chases A Woman Into A Karate Studio

Last week some moron in North Carolina tried to kidnap a woman, but she ran into a karate studio to hide.
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Toll road

Guy Busted Using Remote-Controlled Shields To Block His License Plates To Avoid Tolls

There's a fine line between being Q from "James Bond" and being a petty criminal.
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Man In Custody Says Says He Went To Poop Not Plant Bombs (Video)

We've all said it.
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Man Crashes Truck Into A Courthouse To Report His Stolen Drug Paraphernalia

It's hard to make SO many bad choices simultaneously like this guy did.
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Woman Stole Live Lobster From Red Lobster's Tank, Then Took Off

If you're gonna get kicked out of a restaurant for making a scene, you might as well really make a scene.
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Cops Bust A Guy Who Says His Name Is "Ben Dover"

It's good to see the next generation recycling the comedy material Bart Simpson used back in 1991.
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Guy Wearing Crocs Jumps Into Crocodile Pit In St. Augustine

Just because you wear CROCS, it doesn't make you an actual crocodile.
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A Guy Robs A Subway...Then Goes Back For His Sandwich

A 34-year-old guy named Zachary Miller went into a Subway in Norcross, Virginia earlier this month and ordered a sandwich.
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